Sunday, July 13, 2008

Lightning Round

Whoops. I did it again. There's been a lot going on over the last week or so, but I couldn't decide what to write about, so you all got nothing. To try to make it up, I'm going to address as much stuff as I can right now in little bite-size chunks. I call it...The Lightning Round! Here we go:

- Hancock was released in theaters nationwide on July 2nd, much to the chagrin of movie critics. It was regarded as a lot of wasted potential. The main complaint most critics had was that Hancock was supposed to be a light spoof of superhero movies, but it ended up being a superhero movie itself. Kind of like how the Shrek movies eventually turned into the kind of movies that the original movie parodied. The problem was, nobody involved in Hancock ever said that it was a light spoof. Critics decided that all on their own before they had seen the movie. That's like ordering a steak, then complaining to the server because the steak doesn't taste like cake, and for some reason you thought it would.

Remember in Undercover Brother, when they refer to white women as "black man's Kryptonite"? Well, somebody turned that concept into a movie.


- Jesse Jackson wants to cut Barack Obama's nuts off. Now, hearing "news" of this kind is not uncommon on Fox News. The unusual thing about this particular instance is that Fox News was reporting something that ACTUALLY HAPPENED. It wasn't hearsay. Jackson actually leaned over a microphone and said "I want to cut his nuts off." Jackson later apologized, and said the remark was "unfortunate." As if it were something completely beyond his control. I'm sure his actual regret was that the microphone was on when he chose to mention his desire to castrate the first black presidential nominee in American history. Jackson is apparently upset because Obama's platform is too broad and doesn't apply only to black people. Apparently he feels that Obama can win the general election by campaigning ONLY to black people. Okay, Reverend, I know that Bush secured two terms by campaigning only to white people, but the math is against Obama if he follows your suggestion. He's doing just fine on his own. And he's doing MUCH better than you did in 1984.

Rev. Jackson is realizing that he can stick the knife pretty much anywhere, because Obama is all balls.

- Tony Snow died of cancer yesterday. On the spectrum of how I feel about his death, it falls right between Tim Russert and Jesse Helms. I didn't agree with a single word I ever heard Tony Snow say, but I don't think he was an evil man. I think he just enjoyed the challenge of having to defend the Bush administration. He died too young, and while I may not miss him, I was saddened to learn of his passing.

Anyone who has read the book or seen the movie "Thank You For Smoking" should realize that this guy was a real-life Nick Naylor, for better or worse.

Thus ends the first Lightning Round. Sorry to leave you folks hanging.

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