Thursday, August 21, 2008

Thursday Rules: 8/21/08

Rule #1

No more video game movies until we get a decent Super Mario Brothers movie. We don't need movies based on Bloodrayne, Alone in the Dark, Hitman, DOA: Dead or Alive, Tomb Raider, or Max Payne. We need a Super Mario Brothers movie that doesn't make fanboys' brains bleed. I'm talking to you, Pixar and Dreamworks. Either one is fine, just as long as it gets done. And soon. If you don't reset the standard, pretty soon we'll be staring down the barrel of a live-action Crash Bandicoot movie, starring Shia LeBeouf and directed by Michael Bay.

Rule #2

It's okay for China to start executing American journalists at the Olympics. Michael Phelps just capped off the most dominant Olympics performance ever, and all the journalists care about is whether or not he's dating Amanda Beard. I give up. American journalism has officially outlived its usefulness. It's time to cleanse the palette and start over. So China, do us a solid and trim the weakest of the herd. Just leave Tom Brokaw and Bob Costas alone. They're good guys.

Rule #3

Enjoy the movies this summer, because next year is going to suck. This summer has been an embarrassment of riches as far as movies are concerned. Iron Man, Indiana Jones, Wall-E, The Dark Knight, Hancock, Tropic Thunder...this summer has basically been one continuous nerdgasm. Next summer, we'll have Harry Potter and...nothing else. The WGA strike really threw a wrench in the works for movie studios. No writing meant no new scripts, which meant no new movies. We've temporarily run out of franchises. No more Pirates of the Caribbean, no Spider-Man, no Batman, no Shrek, no Star Wars...nothing. As far as I know, there are no comic book movies slated for next summer, and the sci-fi genre will be limited to the next Terminator movie. I guess we'll all have to get outside and get some exercise. I have a feeling, though, that no matter who is President next summer, Americans will not need escapist entertainment quite as much as we have for the past eight years.

Rule #4

It's okay for guys to watch So You Think You Can Dance. It's not totally a "chick show." Case in point:

That's just sick. And not at all girly.

Rule #5

Gilmore Girls is pretty good, too. Check it out.


Anonymous said...

Hey good work. I just wanted to point out that the Watchmen movie is coming out next summer. It's the only graphic novel in Time's top 100 books list and generally considered the best one. The preview first aired during Dark Knight Returns.

Guerilla Grodd said...

The Watchmen movie is coming out during the first week of March. That's more than two months removed from the summer movie season, so I didn't count it.